Is Someone Testing Your Limits?

I have a friend with a special needs child she loves dearly, but he drives her to her absolute limits with his relentless need for attention. She gets nothing else accomplished and her stress-o-meter needle is in the red zone in these situations. I frankly cannot fully empathize with her exhausting circumstances.

Do you have someone that is pushing you to your limits? Your boss, or co-worker, maybe spouse or family member who is almost tormenting in their ways and make you want to scream, “Enough, I can’t stand it!!!!.”

What can YOU do to take some control back? When other people push our limits, we actually give them control of our feelings and emotions. They begin to rule us by “making” us feel like we do, and we believe we have no choice about the situation. You can put a halt to this pain. You can learn skills so you have a choice.

You can build thinking skills where other people no longer rule your feelings. Then, how you feel starts to become a choice rather than feelings “being forced” upon you. You can gradually be in charge of your own feelings, and then nobody can “make” you feel anything without your permission. Think of the freedom and joy that would be present with the ability to choose.

You say, “But you don’t have a clue how difficult my stress is.” True, I don’t. And there is no denying this is extremely challenging. But think how challenging your current situation is. Great strength is required. We can use our strength to fight those pushing us to our limits, or we can build our strength and skills by learning how not let them.

Building these mental skills in this difficult situation will serve you for the rest of your life. Think of the process as working out at your mental gym and building extraordinary mental strength.

Three of the skills necessary to establish your personal boundaries for that person pushing you to your edge are:

1. Stay present – if you can stay in the current moment and not let your mind wonder away from the here and now, it helps keep first things first.
2. Accept the situation – you wish it was different, you need it to be different, but it is what it is. Take the pressure off and stop thinking about your pain and circumstances. You will reduce your stress dramatically.
3. Set realistic expectations – you know the pitfalls of the relationship and surrounding circumstances. Don’t expect more than the normal truth.

What other suggestions can you contribute to help others from being overrun and overtaken by difficult people pushing our limits?

Are You Winning Against Stress?

This may be a season where managing your stress is more difficult than ever before. Don’t take it lightly and assume it is ok to bear more stress because of these difficult times.

According to the Hearthmath organization, stress may be the number 1 health problem in America today. They claim as well as others, “Depression, hypertension. Type 2 diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular and gastrointestinal distress have all been directly linked to excessive stress.”

Depending on what is included in the stress category, researcher Dr. Caroline Leaf claims as much as 87% of all illnesses are stress related. It is clear folks, stress is the enemy and not a measure of how important our job is.

What is the point? If you want to be healthy, reduce your stress and do it now.

There are numerous successful methods of reducing and relieving stress and they play a significant role; prayer, yoga, exercise, meditation and so forth. But I am more interested in managing it at the source first, so that it doesn’t become excessive and cause serious health problems.

Our problems don’t “produce” the stress, it is the way we think about our problems. Unhealthy thinking (worry, anxiety, negativity, etc.) is a major source of the stress. When I choose to focus on what is wrong at work or in my life, I’m going to create stress. Notice I said create it. There are choices we must make to keep stress low. I can choose instead to focus on opportunity, blessings, and what might be possible.

I am definitely not saying to deny the problems in your life. Rather accept them for what they are and turn the opposite way (in your mind) and move towards what you want; live in the solution as some would say. How in the heck do you do that? Stay focused in the present moment and do what is next.

Don’t drag yesterday’s mistakes into today or tomorrow’s worries either. Discover what you can do right now to move forward. What is the next step to move forward? Choose a healthy mindset and put a stop to stress.

Do Your Feelings Rule?

Do your feelings control you and determine your mood, attitude and outlook? Do you have trouble shutting them down or changing their direction towards how you want to feel?

This is a huge issue with many of us. Being unable to change negative feelings turns good days and moods into bad and fosters discouragement. Wouldn’t it be great if you could learn skills to stop that negative freight train of feelings? Great news! You can.

We can actually learn over time to choose our feelings rather than be controlled by them. This may be quite unbelievable to many of you, as it was for me, but I know it is true because I’ve learned to do it. Being able to choose, at least most of the time, has made an incredible difference in my life.

There aren’t 3 easy steps to freedom or any of that non-sense. I get so tired of those who mislead the public with the lie of “easy steps” to sell books. Rant, rant… We both know that anything really worth while is never easy. You are breaking long established habits that may have a stronghold in your mind, so it will be a difficult but worthy battle.

Here are the core steps I believe you can use to reverse your feelings over time if you are diligent and patient. You may wish to add steps that fit you best.

Foundational Work:
1. Clearly identify the feeling or emotion.
2. Pray to God to help you and show you how to renew your mind and defeat the negative feeling.
3. Learn the truth about the way you feel. Examples of truths are; feelings aren’t rational, nobody can make you feel the way you do without you allowing them to and so forth.
4. Read the Bible and praise God. He is the master of making awesome changes in us.

When a negative feeling appears in your mind, do this (you may need to do these steps over and over and over-that’s is just part of it):
1. Tell the feeling boldly to stop. That you have taken charge of your mind, feelings, and emotions and will remain their master. Do it out loud if possible.
2. Lead your feelings to a neutral place for several seconds by doing something mindless; singing a favorite song, reciting something from memory, even a nursery rhyme.
3. Then lead your thoughts towards a subject you desire and new feelings will follow.

You don’t have to believe your feelings are rational. They have been programmed into you over your lifetime, and they do not necessarily reflect the deep truth.

Experience the freedom of choosing your feelings. You will be bridging the gap to exceptional.

Is Your Life In the Dumper?

Depending on age and location, current times may be the most difficult you’ve ever seen. I have a good friend who works high-end retail on commission. Could you imagine working the hours dealing with the stress of retail the 2 weeks before Christmas, usually her most profitable of the year, for less than $400 total pay?

I know some of you have much deeper pain yet. Layoffs, increased work loads, stress overload, plummeting sales, and mounting bills all increase family tension and strain relationships.

So, how do we deal with the extraordinary hardships that go on in times like these? Take care of yourself first. It isn’t selfish either, but smart. It will mean digging deeply for strength and doing what is really difficult. My retail friend is going to work with a smile and positive attitude. How? Choices! Difficult? Absolutely! Possible? Only with the right mindset.

You also will have choices that will be the difference makers. Starting with accepting what is. See, I told you it would be tough. You can’t change what has happened no matter how unfair. Maybe life “should be” different according to your way of thinking, and you’re probably right, but it still doesn’t change anything. Move into acceptance

Once you accept your life as it is, then forgive those who hurt you. They are not after you personally, just trying to survive in a world where the game has changed. They may not be very smart about it, but that will be their problem. Forgiveness is principally for you. You can’t dump your hurt and anger without first forgiving. Do it for you and for them. (Learn more http://thepracticaldisciple.blogspot.com/2009/01/wipe-2008-dust-off-of-your-feet.html

The only way to move ahead and provide yourself the best opportunities possible is to do so with the most positive and uplifting attitude possible. Get your past out of your way. Dump the anger for good and don’t drag it into your future. The only person it hurts is you and why pay more of a price than you already are.

You can only think about one major theme at a time. You can choose to think on all that is wrong in your life and the misery you are experiencing. Or, you can accept life, forgive, and focus on what opportunities, as small as they might be, that the world is offering you. Focus on what can be, not on what isn’t. Focus on what is good already. Count your blessings every single day and you’ll experience internal and external benefits.

These steps are all very difficult and won’t be accomplished in one try. Don’t give up. Becoming sincerely positive in this negative world is what can and will set you apart from your competition, heal your past, and create your future.

Are You Free from Praise?

We all want to be “somebody,” don’t we? We all want to contribute to this world in a meaningful way and receive some praise and respect for who we are and what we’ve done. In fact, much of our energy and effort can be consumed trying to prove to the world we have something special; talent, gifts, size, brains, knowledge, looks, money…

When we strive to be a “somebody,” we are never enough are we? There is never lasting satisfaction or peace is there? We never get enough of what we’re looking for very long. Oh, we may gain success and receive honors and acclaim, but how long does it last? We always need to accomplish more and be more to prove we still have what we claim. And then do it again and again.

Earning and needing recognition becomes an exhausting merry-go-round. What if you could be at peace with who you are right now? What if you could detach yourself from your accomplishments, so they don’t become part of who you are? You don’t need them to be a “somebody.” You already are enough just the way you are.

Striving for recognition and praise is a losing game. I know because I needed it to be complete and feel good about myself for years. Praise is filled with partial truths that are deceiving. We take credit for ALL we did when the truth is our God given talents played a significant role.

Pride gets a foothold when we start to believe the claims others make about us. This is the beginning of narrow mindedness and possible poor decision making. A full topic for another time.

Enter FREEDOM! Set yourself free by believing and accepting it is not you alone earning the praise. When you truly believe that, the urge and desire to accept the bondage of praise and respect will diminish. It will stop having meaning. Get praise and respect out of your way and be free!

God is the reason for everything in our life. Your intelligence, abilities, talents, parents, looks- everything about you, plus your wealth, house, car, friends this country and the world have all been brought into your life because of God or the gifts God gave you. You and I are nothing without Him; absolutely nothing.

And that is just perfect.