Living LARGE

I find it spectacular to live outside of my old self. I don't worry as much or complain as often, and I'm much better at positive thinking, an empowering attitude, emotional management, thought leadership, and reflecting insults. I have less stress, doubt, anxiety and I understand that my feelings aren't true.

It's living LARGE compared to where I've been, but there is so much more to do. That's exciting as well, because the benefits will be enormous. I will be living even LARGER. I dream of the day when I'm joyful every day in spite of my circumstances. I can't wait to get out of my own way and really live LARGE.

What about you? Are you doing anything to advance your skills and be the best version of yourself? I am so surprised, disgusted actually, how many people are content being mediocre at best. Why don't they want to be more and do more than today?

Here is my short formula for living very LARGE:

1. Grow bigger than your problems.


2. Be stronger than your feelings and emotions.


3. Learn to be the leader of your thoughts.

Coaching can accelerate that journey. That is how I've progressed so quickly. Give back to your own life. Invest in yourself. Spend the time to earn the life you want. It is difficult to live LARGE but not as difficult as mediocrity.

Absent Without Leave

I left without an explanation and I apologize. I had a twice weekly writing assignment for a company I was coaching lasting 2 months. I only have so much in me to write, and I had nothing left for my blog.

After a short break, I'm thrilled to be back.

Brad

Own Your Stress

If you really want less stress in your life, consider this; take ownership of your stress. This may be almost offensive to you to, but hang tight. Taking ownership of your stress means to be responsible for how you react and respond to what stresses you.

Note, I’m not saying that you take ownership of what is stressing you, just your reaction to that stressor. You can’t beat stress if you believe you are powerless against it is being dumped on you. You will believe you have no control over the dumping and feel helpless.

If your co-worker stresses you, most likely you haven’t be able change him. I know you want him to change and think he should changed, but until he does you must deal with his stress in your strength. The only way to do that is to have some control or advantage over his stress dumping.

How is that possible? Accept ownership of your stress reaction to your co-worker’s problem. Take the control away from him! When he acts and you stress, he’s essentially controlling you. You can’t do anything about it if he’s in control. Take back control of your life! Nobody likes or wants being controlled.

If you accept ownership of your stress, then you have a choice about how you respond to stress. You will gain the power to respond differently to his stress spewing, because you are in charge. Make a decision that you will no longer allow his stress to ruin your day. You can finally find a way to manage stress because you are the owner of your response.

Worrying about Money? 3 Ways to Cope

There could be an entire nation created just from people worrying about money. Money worries are ripping apart families, stifling corporate growth, paralyzing professional development, and creating stress and tension in gigantic proportions.

Worrying is not the answer. Many of us worry because of our misguided beliefs that it demonstrates we are concerned and focused on the problem. That may be true, but the wrong strategy. Focusing on the problem is exactly what we do not want to do.

Worrying points us in the wrong direction. We focus on what’s missing, what is gone, and the reasons we can’t do what needs to be done. It zaps our energy and causes stress leading to other problems that compound our worries.

Fight the urge to worry. Worrying becomes a habit that must be broken over time. Worrying will not add 1 ounce of solution to your money problems. Use these three steps to reduce worry:

1. Concentrate specifically on positive actions. Put all of your effort into moving forward doing anything possible to advance. Otherwise, you will waste valuable time, miss opportunities, and fight negativity.
2. Focus on today. Today is all that counts. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow will have worries of its own. Doing what you can today is all that matters. Stop futurizing as if you know what the future will bring.
3. Change your relationship with your money. Money is NOT security. True security is having an accurate self-worth. No amount of money will provide security, therefore, lack of money does not equal insecurity. Uncertainty maybe, but not insecurity.
   

Do not let money worries destroy your health. Change your money mindset to work for you and face the truth for empowering freedom.

Busyness = Importance

By today’s standards, if you are very, very busy then you are also important. Many people brag about how busy they are and how much of a load they carry. Most today are proud to say, “I’m off the chart busy,” as they beam in the glory of importance.

I’m not putting these people down. Heck, almost everybody is included and I can be one as well. What is busy, anyway? What if we had a busyness scale on which to compare ourselves with other extreme busyheads. Let’s see, there could be Obama busy on right and retired busy on the left. Where would you fit in this scale?

If you were around people that were high on the Obama end of the scale, would you dare brag, or complain, about being so busy? What would they say to you? Or maybe how long would they laugh or put up with you? It’s a fair question, because I think it shows that “busy management” is a skill set rather than something out of our control.

Aren’t the figureheads with worldly responsibility better busy managers than you and I? Isn’t our ability to grow and manage our busy lives what determines if busyness stops us or propels us forward? So is busyness your enemy or your friend?

Controlling our demanding schedules includes skills and mindset. Manage your busyness with joy and a positive outlook. If you learn to deal with this load, there is a bigger load of busyness just waiting for those able to carry the responsibility.

Busyness = Importance? Not really. But managing busyness = greater responsibility and that will land you in very important positions

Difficult vs. Hard

Seth Godin writes one way to set yourself apart is to do the difficult work. Hard work can be done by many ambitious soles. Hard work is doing reports, paper work, your daily professional duties, cleaning the house, running kids, and battling laundry.

Difficult work, however, is what we tend to procrastinate; writing, creating, having tough conversations, self-transformation, saving money, and learning new software. T. Harv Eker says that wealthy people do the difficult work that makes life easy. They do what is next in spite of how they feel, whether they want to, or if it's convenient.

My question is why do we avoid the difficult work? Here are at least a few of the reasons:

• We're out of our comfort zone with difficult work.
• We don't believe we have what it takes for completion.
• We believe our resources are inadequate.
• We get distracted. Difficult work may require deep concentration.
• Simply, it's just plain difficult and who wants to do difficult? It's just too hard.

Difficult work stops my clients' progress more than anything else. Mine as well. What about you? What additional roadblocks are stopping you from achieving an outstanding life? Or is achieving the most solid blockage of all? We keep thinking our best life will eventually "happen" to us, when in fact, we must earn it out right with the difficult work.

The solution lies in our perception of difficult work. We must change the way we think about difficult, which in turn, will drive a new way of processing these major challenges.

A Positive Life and a Negative Mind?

I don’t think so. We become what we think, or … we are now what we thought yesteryear. Your thoughts and beliefs drive what you do and what you say. You can’t override, for very long, what is deep inside with anything other than the truth.

We have all been actors in the play of life. We “pretend” we are someone other than who we really are. Most of the time, we don’t have a clue about our pretending, other than the stress the acting creates.

But, eventually we are found out, or hopefully we find the acting first, and then the truth is revealed. We are seeing a lot of this revealing in the financial world today aren’t we? We can “pretend” to ourselves and others that we are positive people with open minds and sincerely believe we are.

Time will show that deep inside, the beliefs and thinking that drive our lives are indeed negative in many ways. We may focus on what is wrong, complain, criticize, or infect others with any number of other negative outputs.

I was in a brainstorming session with leaders that claimed to be positive without question. It was amazing the numbers of “you can’t do that” and “that will never work” “we’ve tried that before” statements. I’m sure I was part of it myself without ever realizing. Hmmm?? We do see others as we are and not as they are. This is getting painful.

My purpose is not to point fingers but to bring awareness to our words and self-talk. Our conversations with others and ourselves are where the truth will lie. Concentrated listening to these conversations is one way we can determine if we are fooling ourselves about being positive. Asking a close friend or spouse is bound to uncover the painful truth.

Are you excited about your problems?

How would your life change if you could actually be excited about your problems? Would you have more energy? Be more enthusiastic? Enjoy work and life more?

You can make a powerful decision and start being excited about your problems. Here are a few reasons why:

• Your past problems have fostered some of your most valuable personal and professional development.
• Many of your strengths are associated with problems.
• A part of life is merely managing, solving, or dealing with one problem after another after another. It will never stop, so why not put energy around finding the solution.
• You will have greater clarity for finding solid solutions.
• You’ll experience energy rather than heaviness.

Turn the problem into an opportunity. Make the choice to enjoy your next problem which, I’m sure, will be yet today.

A letter from your competition

Hi,
I’m your competition and I’m here to offer suggestions. We’ll get to the swampland sale in Florida soon, but first, let me ask, “How’s your stress level?” That’s what I thought. Really tough times aren’t they?

Well, as your competition, I want to encourage you to continue ignoring the stress buildup. The advantages of high stress are surprisingly broad. You will be sick more often, sleep poorly, experience lots of tension, struggle with concentration, and don’t forget your drained energy and lower productivity.

As you might know, all of this leads to that powerful and infectious – negative attitude – that we love to see as your competitor. Consistent negativity of course might lead to depression, which is the number one reason for missing work.

Oh, the continual chatter about how bad things are, coupled with continuous complaining I’m sure inspires your company to dig in and do a better job doesn’t it?

We believe the research showing stress to be possibly the biggest health problem in America to be false. It was likely researched by a few drug companies wanting to sell pills. Speaking of drug companies, the fact that stress may increase your healthcare costs is not important since these costs are surely projected to come down soon.

Congratulations on superbly ignoring stress. We sincerely thank you. Please call for more tips any time.

Worst regards,
Your competition

So why don’t we do more about personal stress and stress in the workplace? What are the reasons or excuses we use? I have my list, but I’d love to know yours. Please comment below so we all gain understanding. Thank you.

Is Someone Testing Your Limits?

I have a friend with a special needs child she loves dearly, but he drives her to her absolute limits with his relentless need for attention. She gets nothing else accomplished and her stress-o-meter needle is in the red zone in these situations. I frankly cannot fully empathize with her exhausting circumstances.

Do you have someone that is pushing you to your limits? Your boss, or co-worker, maybe spouse or family member who is almost tormenting in their ways and make you want to scream, “Enough, I can’t stand it!!!!.”

What can YOU do to take some control back? When other people push our limits, we actually give them control of our feelings and emotions. They begin to rule us by “making” us feel like we do, and we believe we have no choice about the situation. You can put a halt to this pain. You can learn skills so you have a choice.

You can build thinking skills where other people no longer rule your feelings. Then, how you feel starts to become a choice rather than feelings “being forced” upon you. You can gradually be in charge of your own feelings, and then nobody can “make” you feel anything without your permission. Think of the freedom and joy that would be present with the ability to choose.

You say, “But you don’t have a clue how difficult my stress is.” True, I don’t. And there is no denying this is extremely challenging. But think how challenging your current situation is. Great strength is required. We can use our strength to fight those pushing us to our limits, or we can build our strength and skills by learning how not let them.

Building these mental skills in this difficult situation will serve you for the rest of your life. Think of the process as working out at your mental gym and building extraordinary mental strength.

Three of the skills necessary to establish your personal boundaries for that person pushing you to your edge are:

1. Stay present – if you can stay in the current moment and not let your mind wonder away from the here and now, it helps keep first things first.
2. Accept the situation – you wish it was different, you need it to be different, but it is what it is. Take the pressure off and stop thinking about your pain and circumstances. You will reduce your stress dramatically.
3. Set realistic expectations – you know the pitfalls of the relationship and surrounding circumstances. Don’t expect more than the normal truth.

What other suggestions can you contribute to help others from being overrun and overtaken by difficult people pushing our limits?

Are You Winning Against Stress?

This may be a season where managing your stress is more difficult than ever before. Don’t take it lightly and assume it is ok to bear more stress because of these difficult times.

According to the Hearthmath organization, stress may be the number 1 health problem in America today. They claim as well as others, “Depression, hypertension. Type 2 diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular and gastrointestinal distress have all been directly linked to excessive stress.”

Depending on what is included in the stress category, researcher Dr. Caroline Leaf claims as much as 87% of all illnesses are stress related. It is clear folks, stress is the enemy and not a measure of how important our job is.

What is the point? If you want to be healthy, reduce your stress and do it now.

There are numerous successful methods of reducing and relieving stress and they play a significant role; prayer, yoga, exercise, meditation and so forth. But I am more interested in managing it at the source first, so that it doesn’t become excessive and cause serious health problems.

Our problems don’t “produce” the stress, it is the way we think about our problems. Unhealthy thinking (worry, anxiety, negativity, etc.) is a major source of the stress. When I choose to focus on what is wrong at work or in my life, I’m going to create stress. Notice I said create it. There are choices we must make to keep stress low. I can choose instead to focus on opportunity, blessings, and what might be possible.

I am definitely not saying to deny the problems in your life. Rather accept them for what they are and turn the opposite way (in your mind) and move towards what you want; live in the solution as some would say. How in the heck do you do that? Stay focused in the present moment and do what is next.

Don’t drag yesterday’s mistakes into today or tomorrow’s worries either. Discover what you can do right now to move forward. What is the next step to move forward? Choose a healthy mindset and put a stop to stress.

Do Your Feelings Rule?

Do your feelings control you and determine your mood, attitude and outlook? Do you have trouble shutting them down or changing their direction towards how you want to feel?

This is a huge issue with many of us. Being unable to change negative feelings turns good days and moods into bad and fosters discouragement. Wouldn’t it be great if you could learn skills to stop that negative freight train of feelings? Great news! You can.

We can actually learn over time to choose our feelings rather than be controlled by them. This may be quite unbelievable to many of you, as it was for me, but I know it is true because I’ve learned to do it. Being able to choose, at least most of the time, has made an incredible difference in my life.

There aren’t 3 easy steps to freedom or any of that non-sense. I get so tired of those who mislead the public with the lie of “easy steps” to sell books. Rant, rant… We both know that anything really worth while is never easy. You are breaking long established habits that may have a stronghold in your mind, so it will be a difficult but worthy battle.

Here are the core steps I believe you can use to reverse your feelings over time if you are diligent and patient. You may wish to add steps that fit you best.

Foundational Work:
1. Clearly identify the feeling or emotion.
2. Pray to God to help you and show you how to renew your mind and defeat the negative feeling.
3. Learn the truth about the way you feel. Examples of truths are; feelings aren’t rational, nobody can make you feel the way you do without you allowing them to and so forth.
4. Read the Bible and praise God. He is the master of making awesome changes in us.

When a negative feeling appears in your mind, do this (you may need to do these steps over and over and over-that’s is just part of it):
1. Tell the feeling boldly to stop. That you have taken charge of your mind, feelings, and emotions and will remain their master. Do it out loud if possible.
2. Lead your feelings to a neutral place for several seconds by doing something mindless; singing a favorite song, reciting something from memory, even a nursery rhyme.
3. Then lead your thoughts towards a subject you desire and new feelings will follow.

You don’t have to believe your feelings are rational. They have been programmed into you over your lifetime, and they do not necessarily reflect the deep truth.

Experience the freedom of choosing your feelings. You will be bridging the gap to exceptional.

Is Your Life In the Dumper?

Depending on age and location, current times may be the most difficult you’ve ever seen. I have a good friend who works high-end retail on commission. Could you imagine working the hours dealing with the stress of retail the 2 weeks before Christmas, usually her most profitable of the year, for less than $400 total pay?

I know some of you have much deeper pain yet. Layoffs, increased work loads, stress overload, plummeting sales, and mounting bills all increase family tension and strain relationships.

So, how do we deal with the extraordinary hardships that go on in times like these? Take care of yourself first. It isn’t selfish either, but smart. It will mean digging deeply for strength and doing what is really difficult. My retail friend is going to work with a smile and positive attitude. How? Choices! Difficult? Absolutely! Possible? Only with the right mindset.

You also will have choices that will be the difference makers. Starting with accepting what is. See, I told you it would be tough. You can’t change what has happened no matter how unfair. Maybe life “should be” different according to your way of thinking, and you’re probably right, but it still doesn’t change anything. Move into acceptance

Once you accept your life as it is, then forgive those who hurt you. They are not after you personally, just trying to survive in a world where the game has changed. They may not be very smart about it, but that will be their problem. Forgiveness is principally for you. You can’t dump your hurt and anger without first forgiving. Do it for you and for them. (Learn more http://thepracticaldisciple.blogspot.com/2009/01/wipe-2008-dust-off-of-your-feet.html

The only way to move ahead and provide yourself the best opportunities possible is to do so with the most positive and uplifting attitude possible. Get your past out of your way. Dump the anger for good and don’t drag it into your future. The only person it hurts is you and why pay more of a price than you already are.

You can only think about one major theme at a time. You can choose to think on all that is wrong in your life and the misery you are experiencing. Or, you can accept life, forgive, and focus on what opportunities, as small as they might be, that the world is offering you. Focus on what can be, not on what isn’t. Focus on what is good already. Count your blessings every single day and you’ll experience internal and external benefits.

These steps are all very difficult and won’t be accomplished in one try. Don’t give up. Becoming sincerely positive in this negative world is what can and will set you apart from your competition, heal your past, and create your future.

Are You Free from Praise?

We all want to be “somebody,” don’t we? We all want to contribute to this world in a meaningful way and receive some praise and respect for who we are and what we’ve done. In fact, much of our energy and effort can be consumed trying to prove to the world we have something special; talent, gifts, size, brains, knowledge, looks, money…

When we strive to be a “somebody,” we are never enough are we? There is never lasting satisfaction or peace is there? We never get enough of what we’re looking for very long. Oh, we may gain success and receive honors and acclaim, but how long does it last? We always need to accomplish more and be more to prove we still have what we claim. And then do it again and again.

Earning and needing recognition becomes an exhausting merry-go-round. What if you could be at peace with who you are right now? What if you could detach yourself from your accomplishments, so they don’t become part of who you are? You don’t need them to be a “somebody.” You already are enough just the way you are.

Striving for recognition and praise is a losing game. I know because I needed it to be complete and feel good about myself for years. Praise is filled with partial truths that are deceiving. We take credit for ALL we did when the truth is our God given talents played a significant role.

Pride gets a foothold when we start to believe the claims others make about us. This is the beginning of narrow mindedness and possible poor decision making. A full topic for another time.

Enter FREEDOM! Set yourself free by believing and accepting it is not you alone earning the praise. When you truly believe that, the urge and desire to accept the bondage of praise and respect will diminish. It will stop having meaning. Get praise and respect out of your way and be free!

God is the reason for everything in our life. Your intelligence, abilities, talents, parents, looks- everything about you, plus your wealth, house, car, friends this country and the world have all been brought into your life because of God or the gifts God gave you. You and I are nothing without Him; absolutely nothing.

And that is just perfect.